Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
