Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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