i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize