Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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