what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
