she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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