dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
