I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
