Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
