Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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