I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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