He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
