Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
