Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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