I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
