i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
