I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
