You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
