I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
