I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
