the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
