I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
