census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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