I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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