Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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