either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
