I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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