Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
