We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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