i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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