On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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