She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
