i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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