i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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