Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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