My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
