Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
