he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is wine microwaveable?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
