If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
