Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She needs sedatives and a leash
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
