My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
