I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Randomize
