I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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