the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
