2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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