I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
