I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize