Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
