Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize