bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
