Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
