Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize