I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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