so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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