My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
