You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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