A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
