update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize