btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
