I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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