I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
