I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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