if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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