I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
