I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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