I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
