it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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