My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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