Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I cockslap morals
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
