Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
