I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
