Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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