My hand turned me down
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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