Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
