Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
