Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize