youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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