Too much gin, very little bucket
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
