Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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