Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
