you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
