I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
