The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
