I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
