We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
